Mass today taught me that you have to look after yourself, but also look after others. Try to prevent their sinning because it can be a guilty by association thing come judgment day. I totes get that and understand the meaning behind it. However, I will always go with my gut feeling for the rest of my life. I was asked to go out tonight. Last year I would have said ok. The year before that would ahve been a "hell yeah". But now? I didn't want too. I didn't even want to get dressed up. All my worst things came true. Not worst but def. things you don't want happening to you. Obvi all my hot and skinny friends were hit on by all the guys. I wanted to puke. So I drank a bit after telling a Brother that I was just going out to dance. I needed to forget my insecurities. I honestly don't know why I did it, God, but I did and I am sorry. I regret it completely. I wasted time, walked around, and only got into parties because of my friends. My roommie (best person ever) ended up picking me up because I was so mad and angry. I got shut out of a room at a frat house. I am in a sorority! WTF?! This is why Jersey is dumb...so dumb... I am fed up with myself for not being at hte point I wanted to be at by now. If I was, my night wouldn't be half as bad. But having my friend tell me I couldn't have food that I wanted? That was the last straw. She has he love life, her social life, and other things. I just have my grades and my personality. I just wish I could have some positive things in my life. As I say that I have to stop. I do. God blessed me with awesome roommates, friends at CSA, a family to die for, and perfect health. So what I have to work hard to lose weight? I have worked hard so so much. This will keep me going. Keep my motivation. I will obtain this and the GSA program. I will win because I refuse to fail. Tonight has taught me that despite the setbacks, good things happen afterwards. Yu work hard and you will achieve. I am going to work hard. I will achieve. And it will not be revenge. It will not be satisfaction. It will be happiness. Also, the roommie said that the fact these guys don;t even want to know you name when they spit game...not even worth it. They will never realize how much you are loved, how much people care about you, and how awesome you are. Words to live by. She is so wise. I will remember this. I am starting to realize what I want and when the time is right God will send him my way. Rambled again...oh well...always tomorrow!
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