Oh my!

Well the school year has begun! I am slightly behind, but things are slowly starting to get in order. Grades are first, then CSA, and SigKap. I need to be a teacher so bad! Well I am going to Hoboken with a couple of the sisters on Friday and who knows if love finds me in the Boken. But the theme of this post is love. Love finds you at your worst or your best. It does not matter. However, since I have not watched myself lately, I get diff. reactions from people and I know that it would be easier to get guys if  I looked the way I used too. I still get guys but it is a lott harder than normal. So not only that, but I feel so sluggish and such. So I have gone back to my healthy ways and feel really good about it. I love fruit and all that healthy yummy stuff! But back to the point, love doesn't discriminate. Don't feel that it is because of how you look is why no one likes you. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. You cannot depend on them for happiness. It is impossible to be happy that way!! SO take care of yourself and love yourself and love will find you. Get pretty for you and dress up for yourself! Also, when you aren't looking, it hits you in the face. TRUST ME! I am the expert on this. God made us all perfect in his eyes, all we have to do is find/walk into the person that sees us the same way. It is truly easy and will happen naturally!

Teaching

I am going to add to this post tomorrow to add more to it because I am tired now, but I just want to say that I honestly cannot wait to be a teacher. I will bust my bust hard to become a teacher and it will work out. I know this is God's plan for me. I get excited and just want to be in my classroom already. This is my plan :)

FYI

My love of the theater is coming back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubBN38hL9KY

My life!

So nothing super interesting has been happening lately.First full week fo school passed and I think things are going to go well. I am going to get myself together and focus hardcore on my grades. The roomie asked me to be a small group leader and of course I will! Anything to help out. I don't like when other people are stressed so I want  to help. I broke my phone and was phoneless. I was so paranoid becasue I just wanted to talk to my mom and I couldn't. I almost cried like a dork. I am home now for the night because I got a bit sick. I am getting princess bedding tomorrow and am superrr excited lol :) The boy makes fun of me for my sorority and princess obsession...whatever -_- but anyway....

Lately I have been super duper into 90's dance music. Especially "Call Me" by Le Click. I think it is just such a good and fun beat with lyrics that actually mean something in that girlie "bounce around in your car and pretend you have a boy to sing this too" type of way. Also have going into a little of my rock phase again just to have some substance. Oh I still wish I was Carrie Underwood....I am having an identity crisis. For now I leave you with "Call Me" :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geO_ioeZ_iE

If more females would sit down and be ladies, more males would stand up and be gentleman. TSM.

I normally do not think a TSM is worthy of something deep. They are funny and I relate to most of them in a cute way. But this one strikes a chord. Last night I went out and just noticed the girls whoring themselves out like it was nobody's business. Boys where dragging drunk girls into rooms, making air-thrusting movements behind them. It was complete mayhem. Now I do not want to be a stick in the mud. I am all down for a good time, but when it becomes to the point of puking girls and vulgar disrespect...I have a problem. People need to just relax and realize their self-worth. Girls need to become ladies for a majority of the day and understand that it is okay to have fun, but not to the point where reputations are made and boys thing they can disrespect you. I used to think I wanted a guy to grab me on a dancefloor and want to hook up with me. That is so the opposite of what I should have been wanting. I know now that if they don't ask your name and remember it an hour later...not worth my time. I am not saying I am high and mighty, but courting and talking to a person are so minimal nowadays. I honestly am worried for my future children. It is okay to speak of the actions you did the night before and think it is okay to have sex with everyone in sight. News flash, it isn't. I just wish people would grow up a little so that boys do not come up to me and assume I want to join their pant's party. If we grow up, then they will too. Sort the girls from the ladies and the boys from the men.

Short and Sweet...well it was going to be

Mass today taught me that you have to look after yourself, but also look after others. Try to prevent their sinning because it can be a guilty by association thing come judgment day. I totes get that and understand the meaning behind it. However, I will always go with my gut feeling for the rest of my life. I was asked to go out tonight. Last year I would have said ok. The year before that would ahve been a "hell yeah". But now? I didn't want too. I didn't even want to get dressed up. All my worst things came true. Not worst but def. things you don't want happening to you. Obvi all my hot and skinny friends were hit on by all the guys. I wanted to puke. So I drank a bit after telling a Brother that I was just going out to dance. I needed to forget my insecurities. I honestly don't know why I did it, God, but I did and I am sorry. I regret it completely. I wasted time, walked around, and only got into parties because of my friends. My roommie (best person ever) ended up picking me up because I was so mad and angry. I got shut out of a room at a frat house. I am in a sorority! WTF?!  This is why Jersey is dumb...so dumb... I am fed up with myself for not being at hte point I wanted to be at by now. If I was, my night wouldn't be half as bad. But having my friend tell me I couldn't have food that I wanted? That was the last straw. She has he love life, her social life, and other things. I just have my grades and my personality. I just wish I could have some positive things in my life. As I say that I have to stop. I do. God blessed me with awesome roommates, friends at CSA, a family to die for, and perfect health. So what I have to work hard to lose weight? I have worked hard so so much. This will keep  me going. Keep my motivation. I will obtain this and the GSA program. I will win because I refuse to fail.  Tonight has taught me that despite the setbacks, good things happen afterwards. Yu work hard and you will achieve. I am going to work hard. I will achieve. And it will not be revenge. It will not be satisfaction. It will be happiness. Also, the roommie said that the fact these guys don;t even want to know you name when they spit game...not even worth it. They will never realize how much you are loved, how much people care about you, and how awesome you are. Words to live by. She is so wise. I will remember this. I am starting to realize what I want and when the time is right God will send him my way. Rambled again...oh well...always tomorrow!

Pictures

So I realized what better way to express myself than with pictures? I have a Tumblr so I took the ones that best define me. More will be added in other posts but these are for now :)

loving the perfect  Disney princess and believing I can still be one

 pretty much.

 

my sorority and hp? yup.

 

my motto in working out and just in life

loving preppy style

drama is my middle name

I wanted to put a picture of some sort of rock image to represent my toughness. When I find the perfect picture I will post it. Oh! FYI. I will be posting other things than my personal stuff. This is just a place for me to write and become more open. 

Everyday

Everyday you can learn something new about yourself. I learned today that I do not need/nor want to go out anymore. I jsut want to relax at home or around good friends and have a drink or two and just have great conversation. The need to get all dolled up to walk around for an hour trying to find a party is a little old. Once 21 comes around then actually going to a designated bar will be worth my time. But for know, I am grateful for the things God has given me. Great friends, a safe living environment, and a motivation to do things. Even being blessed with a family that goes above and beyond for me and loves me is more than I could ever be thankful for. Each day that I am back at school reminds me that things are different and no need to worry about the past. Enough of the the insightful stuff haha! My day consisted of taking 6 hours to do my laundry ( I kept forgetting), going to taco bell  (no bueno), crafting that table my dad got for me, organizing my COB, and watching extreme couponing with the roommie. Being back just gives me so much energy. SO much in fact that I spent 100 dollars at Target and returned 51 of it because it was all the most stupid things ever. I do not like going over 30 bucks when I have to buy stuff. I like staying in budget because I worked hard for my money and would like to keep it for awhile. So spending that much on stuff that was pointless really got me upset. Anddd I can't find a broom anywhere!! I have to go to bed,bath,and beyond to get a broom because no one around here has one! It is so annoying. But I rebought Sweet Home Alabama because I lost it :/ How is it that Target does not have Legally Blonde? Are they dumb?! My dvd has been played so much that it is now skipping haha! As my latest crush would say "such a sorority girl!". He is too cute by the way. Apparently he is oblivious but ehh...it happens. He just seems like a safe and adorable guy that has strong faith and has a good head on his shoulders. I need to get back in the game. The bonfire tonight was fun. Hanging with good people and good company is what I want my life to be centered around. Not the toxic crap from last year. I need people who can help themselves and are liek me. I need to take care of myself, not everyone else. I just ask God to watch over everyone's spiritual, mental, and physical needs esp. my family, friends,the pope and the clergy, and anyone in need of prayer. I trust him with everything even if I don;t know what that is.

Junior Year

So it is my Junior year of college. A little intimidating, but nonetheless I feel like I jsut may be able to do it. I tried moving in last Sat. but Hurricane Irene was posing a threat to my campus so I figured I would stay home with my mom and nonna while my dad went to his job at the high school to control the flooding. Turns out...I stayed until Monday. My house lost power form around 3 am until 1pm. I was reading HP and all of a sudden the lights went on and relief flooded me. But anyways, my house had a little bit of flooding, but otherwise it was ok. Nonna was a bit tense, but once she had power she was good to go. My mom proved yet again why I am the luckiest girl in the world to have such an awesome mom. I will dedicate a post to her around her birthday. So I decided just to try to leave on Monday. It was fine traveling until I got to Ryders Lane! It took me an hour to get form the Sears shortcut to my Newell! Annoying doesn't begin to describe it. So I go into my Newell and see how cute my roomie decorated things. My stuff was still all packed up so I still had a bit to do. All of my roommates are honestly a blessing. I thank God for finally giving me some peace about this year. This is the big semester where I need a perfect gpa for grad school. I want to be a teacher so bad and I just hope I focus and study hard. I can celebrate later. Living with these girls does not seem to pose a threat of not focusing. I feel like a good person and my faith in God will become stronger because of them. My roomie said that sometimes God comes to you through other people because you are not ready to hear him yet. I believe this. After all, she is the sister I never had. But I digressed...Our newell is so sharp looking! It is a mix of all our personalities and my bed is comfy and I just love coming home to a clean place finally. Compared to last year....I can't even go there. As I am writing I just feel a sense of calming come over me. I rather type that write because my thoughts come fast and my handwriting is crap. My roomie likes to journal so I think I may keep that too because it just feels good to type about my day. I can post at any time and it is for me. I could go off bible quotes or anything. But anyway... my roomie and I are quite a bit alike and I dig it. I just feel like this year I have been blessed and things will go good. Every day this week I have been at CSA and it has been so much fn. I am getting closer with the people and just having a blast. I sort of have a thing for two of the boys but probably nothing will happen. We will call one the director and the other the nurse. I told God that I rather grad school than a love life, but if he so decides to give me both, I am not complaining. This writing thing sorta does help...my rommie is really catching on to something here with this writing stuff. I feel the real me showing through. You know I got asked to go out tonight? Din't wanna. Not because I do not feel pretty enough, but because I saw no point and thought it was so  dumb too. Rather party at a close place than campus hop, being all drunk and cold.  So also with the sorority, I have to make the video and this COB. I am going to knock that COB out fo the park it is ridiculous. I will prove to everyone in that damn sorority why I am the best at what I do and why I deserve more credit than I deserve and did not deserve the crap I got last year. This summer was a bit of a flub, did not lose the weight but did work a lot.I made my money and for some odd reason really wanted to be southern sorority girl. :/ still wish it!  I want to go back to the gym and just get things in shape again. All this rambling makes me want to compose a list:

Goals:

1. get above a 3.8 GPA (I know I can do it, just can't be lazy)
2. lose 45 pounds (sounds intense but I can do 20-30 by Christmas. I want to be beautiful again and even more confident)
3. pray more (become closer to the Lord and live the life he set out for me. I realize I am not perfect. But I am starting to become ok with that. I just want to be perfect in His eyes. )
4. if given to me, have a bit of a love life (i would like to date and be wanted. it would be nice)

So there you have it folks! My personal blog is being shared and I will keep it real. God Bless <3 Night darlings!